[ILUG] Sorry I had to send this !! (and it's not html)

[Mark.Fagan at bull.co.uk]

---------------------- Forwarded by Mark Fagan/IE/BULL on 29/08/2000 22:03
---------------------------

Richard Carroll
29/08/2000 15:30
Cara Data Processing (Willsborough, Dublin)
Tel: 00 353 1 8166552





To:   Mark Fagan/IE/BULL at BULL
cc:

Subject:

Microsoft Contraceptives

NEW PRODUCT: MICROSOFT CONTRACEPTIVES

Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite
of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes
these technologies will give it substantial protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free
copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is
the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector, and Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition.

While Contraceptive98 does not address non-traditional channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year. They will be known as BackDoor,
AuraLee, TitElation, and JerkOff.

OPERATION

Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package. At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum hardware.
If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation
commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is
initiated, and the user gets the message, "It is now safe to turn off your partner."

DRAWBACKS

Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error
encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time it is
used.

CONCLUSION

Contraceptive98 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is a reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its
shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software), will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, Uninterruptible
Power Supply, and Onboard Camera. Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about Contraceptive98's potential. He recently said, "Our
contraceptive products will help users do to each other what we've been doing to our customers for years."



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